The Good, the Bad & the Difference: How to Tell the Right From Wrong in Everyday Situations by Cohen Randy

Author:Cohen, Randy [Cohen, Randy]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9780385505277
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2002-04-22T16:00:00+00:00

EXERCISING CAUTION

A woman who works out at my gym is skeletal to the point of appearing deathly ill, and yet she exercises for hours. I can’t know for sure that she has a problem, but she appears to be wasting away, possibly killing herself. Does the gym have a responsibility to intervene? It could be sued if it denies her membership. Should I just watch her get thinner and thinner or should I confront her?

—B.B., WASHINGTON, D.C.

I see no persuasive argument against your approaching her gently. You risk nothing but minor embarrassment, and you might be of some help. If you have misdiagnosed her condition, apologize for intruding on her privacy. She may be impervious to the concern of a stranger, but that ought not be an excuse for inaction. The very fact that this emaciated woman is out there on a treadmill could suggest that she is desperate to be noticed. While the gym staff should certainly make sure that no one imperils her health on the StairMaster, this seems a curious time to bring that up. If this poor woman were on fire, surely you would put her out before pondering the gym’s vulnerability to a lawsuit. Forget the gym’s responsibility: Think first of your own.

R.B. OF WESTPORT, CONNECTICUT, REBELS:

Consider the following: You are in line at a Dunkin Donuts (for black coffee only, of course) behind a hugely obese woman with a fat child in tow. The woman orders a bag of jelly doughnuts and they both dig in. Do you approach her gently, voicing concern about the potential risk of diabetes, heart problems, stroke, etc. for both her and her child? My point is only that one must leave other people alone to make their own, often neurotic and wrongheaded lifestyle choices, both for themselves and their children.

I REPLY:

It would indeed be intolerable to live in a society where every portly fellow who went into a restaurant and ordered a steak was hectored by someone at the next table. However, B.B. described a woman who seemed not merely unhealthy but in immediate risk of her life.

Further, the intrusion I advocate is such a modest one, the worst it can be is annoying, no real harm done. I didn’t suggest that B.B. wrestle that woman to the ground and force a protein shake down her throat, only that he not utterly ignore what might be the suffering of another human being. If ours were a society where the paternalism you describe were prevalent, I’d be won over by your argument. However, neglect and indifference seem so much the norm that to take a gentle liberty, even with another adult, seems called for in this case. I believe the harm it might do is small, and smaller still if one is sufficiently tactful.

A.M., CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS, RESPONDS:

As a psychologist, I find your advice about the woman in the gym unlikely to be helpful. Someone in the throes of anorexia is basically in a delusional state, and it is unlikely that being approached by a stranger will have any effect.

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